Nov 29, 2023·edited Nov 29, 2023Liked by Alexander Hellene
Most of my female friends have been from the alternative music and art scenes or through career related projects. I don’t understand normal female dynamics. The cheerleaders were so mean to me!
I saw The Craft in a theater with my only friend from middle school, (we were basically the female Eric and Dylan but without the murder) launched an all-female industrial record label for firebrands, etc.
I accepted that I would never be accepted into traditional female society a while ago. Understanding neurotypicals is hard enough already.
Guess I missed my opportunity to start the Alpha Sigma sorority.
Both sexes cast out certain types for different reasons. For guys it’s USUALLY but not always because they’re not reliable or are seen as too much competition. Usually the former—this is why the “weird” guy is shunned by the “jocks,” at least in movies: the so-called jocks see him as a liability, and whether that perception is correct or not, or fair or not, is irrelevant.
But growing up, I remember that the weirdos, me included, got along just fine with the jocks/popular dudes as long as you were GOOD AT SOMETHING, and not a jerk or a creep. In my case, it was music. It helped me fit in in all social categories at school. Go figure.
This is something that's always bothered me, at some points in my life more than others. It's pretty disheartening and, dare I say, black-pilling to think about for too long, because I genuinely do not understand how society can continue when half the fucking population is incapable of fostering meaningful friendships, even if it is a different kind of friendship from men, and, worse, actively plotting against each other. I feel as if no shortage of issues we face on a macro scale stems from the kind of inter-gender female in-fighting of different women trying to tear each other down to get ahead over one another. It's that horribly self-destructive crabs in a bucket mentality. We've all seen it - a good girl is encouraged by her "friends" to break up with a decent guy for a litany of reasons, but in truth the only reason she's being encouraged to do so is because her "friends" don't want to be at the bottom of their social group totem pole. Extrapolate that dynamic on a societal scale and you might see what I mean. Any girl who tries to distance herself from the pack is called a "pick-me" and basically tarred and feathered by her peers for having the audacity to try and better herself or not engage in the harmful, self-destructive behaviors of the whole. It's tragic, really, and it's tearing our society apart on a fundamental level since, as I said - women make up a pretty significant portion of the population and, these days, wield a good amount of political power.
Ultimately, though, I do think women can have meaningful friendships with one another - though I've been called naively hopeful for espousing that thought among some people - but I think that it takes a strong, moral, and functional culture/society to enable that. Today, our culture actively and excitedly encourages not just women, but everyone to indulge in bad behavior and act on their worst impulses. It's no small wonder that many men can barely find functional friends when the broader culture is telling them that all the qualities that make meaningful masculine companionship possible are toxic and malicious. The traditional moors and barriers and fail-safes that used to gird our society and culture that kept most women from back-biting and acting on that crab-in-a-bucket instinct is gone, so we see that behavior and its consequences boiling over. Thus, society has transformed into one giant high school bathroom, and we're all at the mercy of the catty, petty, and fiercely jealous mean girls and their wicked machinations.
“It's no small wonder that many men can barely find functional friends when the broader culture is telling them that all the qualities that make meaningful masculine companionship possible are toxic and malicious.”
And gay. You forgot that all male friendships since the dawn of time ore OBVIOUSLY romantic.
You raise a good point though. It’s a huge problem. Society is out of whack. It seems like the feminist movement won, got what it wanted, is still miserable, maybe BECAUSE it got what it wanted, and is just trying to loot the treasury, so to speak, until the whole thing collapses.
Men, for our part, hate saying “No” to women because we have an inborn instinct to defer and appease women, which is awesome! But up to a point.
"And gay. You forgot that all male friendships since the dawn of time ore OBVIOUSLY romantic."
I started to write the exact same thing...every intimate interaction between men is painted as homoerotic. And if we are honest, most straight men are disgusted by male homosexuality. Therefore, they shun these interactions to not appear gay.
The “friends = lovers” canard was, I think, established both to make men accept homosexuality and to break up all those “dangerous” male brotherhoods the powers that be fear. Insidious.
The "men" side of the man vs. woman chart reminds me of how my siblings and I interact. Just about every single day my sister tells me that I'm a mentally deranged, chronically online, ugly, disgusting dork that will die alone in a hole with a broken neck, and how she will put me there.
Needless to say, I love her and would literally go to war for her.
"When women meet other women, apparently the first thing they do is look at things like how big their wedding ring is, what kind of clothes they were, the house they live in, their car, what their husband does for a living, and so on. " I've seriously never done this. I don't understand women at all. I feel completely and totally alien.
While I used hyperbole in this post to emphasize my point, I do think women can be friends with each other because I have seen it myself. I think there are lots of women who think like you.
The word "friend" assumes a different meaning in between the sexes. What to a woman is someone to chitchat and drink mojito with, to a man is a brother-in-arms.
In most cases, I believe that a woman would not understand what you mean if you posed the question.
I've never been able to connect with other women. I don't relate at all to how most women think. All my longest, strongest friendships are all guys. Maybe my brain is broken, idk
100 percent. It seems like at least a quarter of women say this. Now, you rarely hear a man say they can’t relate to other men. Guys are more apt to say they don’t get along with THOSE PARTICULAR GUYS, but not guys as a whole.
Women have an extremely subsurface set of unspoken rules and language that makes it difficult if you think different. ADHD, autism, etc, will greatly impact the ability to get the social cues, or easily break rules without knowing what you've done wrong.
I have from men. Some men find other men too dickish, for lack of a better word. Some men, straight or gay, prefer female company for various reasons. I don’t judge.
Nov 29, 2023·edited Nov 29, 2023Liked by Alexander Hellene
These are good observations. I can confirm them from my own experience. The closer other men are to me the more I insult them in the face. In contrast to this, my wife is super friendly to friends and relatives in person but as soon as they leave she starts bitching and moaning about them.
I also have a friend who is totally into moving up the career ladder in an international company who admitted once that he mostly does it due to pressure put on him by his wife. I just get annoyed when my wife tries something like that on me.
A lot of what men do is because of female pressure. And listen: sometimes the wife or girlfriend or mother or whomever is correct. That’s the great thing about the sexes: we’re complementary. Thank God.
The insult thing kills me because it’s so accurate. Also: how much we give each other the benefit of the doubt. I’m always asked how I can tell someone is a “good dude” after just meeting them, and it’s like, “They didn’t do anything to piss me off or creep me out, I had a good feeling about them, and they were a good hang; what else do I need to know?”
You´re right. If a man is on the wrong path or just getting too complacent, a kick in the butt is always appreciated. The female perspective can be helpful to assess such a situation.
Most men are pretty straightforward, so you can easily figure out whether they are good company or not.
We don’t like shifty backstabbers. That’s considered unmanly behavior and a sign of (here’s this idea again) unreliability if the SHTF. If we do engage in such behavior ourselves, we SHOULD feel really bad and try to atone.
Gammas are the worst because they’re men. When women exhibit similar behavior, it’s not really that bothersome because they’re not a guy. It’s hard to explain but I’m sure you understand.
An observation I've been making recently is the prevalence of women pushing full shopping carts while the "men" shamble at her sides. And it's not entirely generational.
I have seen these people and feel pity every time. I also get a similar feeling when I see a woman driving around her husband/boyfriend. Car driving is not that strenuous but I always associated it with manliness.
These descriptions make so much sense lol. My business partner who's polyamorous and always pushing me towards stardom while talking about how pretty I am is an Alpha, and my boyfriend who wants to buy a Craftsman house and have kids with me is that nice, stable Delta type who's just a solid dude that everyone likes. Not ambitious like my business partner, but society definitely needs both types!
The brain power may temporarily decrease, but if those guy decide to do something useful and put their minds to it, watch out.
Also, put the crudest, rudest, roughest guys in a group, and then add like an old lady or a middle-aged mother and see how the guys behavior immediately straightens out. I’ve seen it.
Yeah but I crack up at some old lady wandering into a biker bar or something. I guarantee most of those dudes would treat her very kindly and escort her somewhere safe.
Spot on. I often marvel at that every invention, from a toaster to rock music, exists because a man at some point was trying to get laid.
“Geez, if I can find a quicker way to fry this bread, maybe my wife will have more time to sleep with me more often…”
Precisely
Most of my female friends have been from the alternative music and art scenes or through career related projects. I don’t understand normal female dynamics. The cheerleaders were so mean to me!
I saw The Craft in a theater with my only friend from middle school, (we were basically the female Eric and Dylan but without the murder) launched an all-female industrial record label for firebrands, etc.
I accepted that I would never be accepted into traditional female society a while ago. Understanding neurotypicals is hard enough already.
Guess I missed my opportunity to start the Alpha Sigma sorority.
Both sexes cast out certain types for different reasons. For guys it’s USUALLY but not always because they’re not reliable or are seen as too much competition. Usually the former—this is why the “weird” guy is shunned by the “jocks,” at least in movies: the so-called jocks see him as a liability, and whether that perception is correct or not, or fair or not, is irrelevant.
But growing up, I remember that the weirdos, me included, got along just fine with the jocks/popular dudes as long as you were GOOD AT SOMETHING, and not a jerk or a creep. In my case, it was music. It helped me fit in in all social categories at school. Go figure.
I've noticed that alternative scenes are filled with obnoxious backstabbing gamma men and manipulating women.
You just described the Boston music scene.
Only twice? Child…
It’s an alienation thing.
You’re soooo Bukowski.
This is something that's always bothered me, at some points in my life more than others. It's pretty disheartening and, dare I say, black-pilling to think about for too long, because I genuinely do not understand how society can continue when half the fucking population is incapable of fostering meaningful friendships, even if it is a different kind of friendship from men, and, worse, actively plotting against each other. I feel as if no shortage of issues we face on a macro scale stems from the kind of inter-gender female in-fighting of different women trying to tear each other down to get ahead over one another. It's that horribly self-destructive crabs in a bucket mentality. We've all seen it - a good girl is encouraged by her "friends" to break up with a decent guy for a litany of reasons, but in truth the only reason she's being encouraged to do so is because her "friends" don't want to be at the bottom of their social group totem pole. Extrapolate that dynamic on a societal scale and you might see what I mean. Any girl who tries to distance herself from the pack is called a "pick-me" and basically tarred and feathered by her peers for having the audacity to try and better herself or not engage in the harmful, self-destructive behaviors of the whole. It's tragic, really, and it's tearing our society apart on a fundamental level since, as I said - women make up a pretty significant portion of the population and, these days, wield a good amount of political power.
Ultimately, though, I do think women can have meaningful friendships with one another - though I've been called naively hopeful for espousing that thought among some people - but I think that it takes a strong, moral, and functional culture/society to enable that. Today, our culture actively and excitedly encourages not just women, but everyone to indulge in bad behavior and act on their worst impulses. It's no small wonder that many men can barely find functional friends when the broader culture is telling them that all the qualities that make meaningful masculine companionship possible are toxic and malicious. The traditional moors and barriers and fail-safes that used to gird our society and culture that kept most women from back-biting and acting on that crab-in-a-bucket instinct is gone, so we see that behavior and its consequences boiling over. Thus, society has transformed into one giant high school bathroom, and we're all at the mercy of the catty, petty, and fiercely jealous mean girls and their wicked machinations.
“It's no small wonder that many men can barely find functional friends when the broader culture is telling them that all the qualities that make meaningful masculine companionship possible are toxic and malicious.”
And gay. You forgot that all male friendships since the dawn of time ore OBVIOUSLY romantic.
You raise a good point though. It’s a huge problem. Society is out of whack. It seems like the feminist movement won, got what it wanted, is still miserable, maybe BECAUSE it got what it wanted, and is just trying to loot the treasury, so to speak, until the whole thing collapses.
Men, for our part, hate saying “No” to women because we have an inborn instinct to defer and appease women, which is awesome! But up to a point.
Everything is out of whack.
"And gay. You forgot that all male friendships since the dawn of time ore OBVIOUSLY romantic."
I started to write the exact same thing...every intimate interaction between men is painted as homoerotic. And if we are honest, most straight men are disgusted by male homosexuality. Therefore, they shun these interactions to not appear gay.
The “friends = lovers” canard was, I think, established both to make men accept homosexuality and to break up all those “dangerous” male brotherhoods the powers that be fear. Insidious.
And if that does not work, you can still paint them as Nazis.
The "men" side of the man vs. woman chart reminds me of how my siblings and I interact. Just about every single day my sister tells me that I'm a mentally deranged, chronically online, ugly, disgusting dork that will die alone in a hole with a broken neck, and how she will put me there.
Needless to say, I love her and would literally go to war for her.
Yeah I’m like that with my siblings too, a brother and a sister, though maybe not so much as when we were younger. It’s a beautiful thing.
"When women meet other women, apparently the first thing they do is look at things like how big their wedding ring is, what kind of clothes they were, the house they live in, their car, what their husband does for a living, and so on. " I've seriously never done this. I don't understand women at all. I feel completely and totally alien.
While I used hyperbole in this post to emphasize my point, I do think women can be friends with each other because I have seen it myself. I think there are lots of women who think like you.
My wife also has quite a few friends but she also gossips about them. Sometimes, I am also guilty of gossiping but I am not doing it regularly.
Always strive to not talk about people behind their backs. It’s a great life rule.
I agree. I always feel bad when I succumb to this behavior.
If this is true, I'm constantly breaking everyone's brain with the clothes I make lol.
The word "friend" assumes a different meaning in between the sexes. What to a woman is someone to chitchat and drink mojito with, to a man is a brother-in-arms.
In most cases, I believe that a woman would not understand what you mean if you posed the question.
Great point. To a man, a friend is someone who is, quite literally, ride or die. If they’re not, then they’re suspect.
A friend will also tell you when you’re being a dumbass. And thank God we do!
I have never seen something like a blood brotherhood between women.
There are, I’m sure, near equivalents that we just can’t fully understand.
There are equivalents but we will always find them shallow. It is what it is.
And they find us shallow. Which means we’re probably both right in what works for us. I love it.
I've never been able to connect with other women. I don't relate at all to how most women think. All my longest, strongest friendships are all guys. Maybe my brain is broken, idk
You sound like most of my female friends. 😂
I was about to say the same thing. The most common phrase out of a womans mouth when describing herself is "I don't relate to other women." ;)
100 percent. It seems like at least a quarter of women say this. Now, you rarely hear a man say they can’t relate to other men. Guys are more apt to say they don’t get along with THOSE PARTICULAR GUYS, but not guys as a whole.
Women have an extremely subsurface set of unspoken rules and language that makes it difficult if you think different. ADHD, autism, etc, will greatly impact the ability to get the social cues, or easily break rules without knowing what you've done wrong.
Men do too but I think they come out to the surface more obviously.
I also know quite a few women who say that they like working with men much more than with other women. I never heard anything like that from a man.
I have from men. Some men find other men too dickish, for lack of a better word. Some men, straight or gay, prefer female company for various reasons. I don’t judge.
Interesting. Never heard anything like that but I can understand it.
We're a rare breed
These are good observations. I can confirm them from my own experience. The closer other men are to me the more I insult them in the face. In contrast to this, my wife is super friendly to friends and relatives in person but as soon as they leave she starts bitching and moaning about them.
I also have a friend who is totally into moving up the career ladder in an international company who admitted once that he mostly does it due to pressure put on him by his wife. I just get annoyed when my wife tries something like that on me.
A lot of what men do is because of female pressure. And listen: sometimes the wife or girlfriend or mother or whomever is correct. That’s the great thing about the sexes: we’re complementary. Thank God.
The insult thing kills me because it’s so accurate. Also: how much we give each other the benefit of the doubt. I’m always asked how I can tell someone is a “good dude” after just meeting them, and it’s like, “They didn’t do anything to piss me off or creep me out, I had a good feeling about them, and they were a good hang; what else do I need to know?”
You´re right. If a man is on the wrong path or just getting too complacent, a kick in the butt is always appreciated. The female perspective can be helpful to assess such a situation.
Most men are pretty straightforward, so you can easily figure out whether they are good company or not.
We don’t like shifty backstabbers. That’s considered unmanly behavior and a sign of (here’s this idea again) unreliability if the SHTF. If we do engage in such behavior ourselves, we SHOULD feel really bad and try to atone.
Was halfway through reading this when I got interrupted by a gamma coworker who refused to acknowledge I was engrossed in something.
Say what you will about the ladies, but none of them would have done that. Lol.
Gammas are the worst because they’re men. When women exhibit similar behavior, it’s not really that bothersome because they’re not a guy. It’s hard to explain but I’m sure you understand.
An observation I've been making recently is the prevalence of women pushing full shopping carts while the "men" shamble at her sides. And it's not entirely generational.
I have seen these people and feel pity every time. I also get a similar feeling when I see a woman driving around her husband/boyfriend. Car driving is not that strenuous but I always associated it with manliness.
Yes on the driving. A little leeway, but still.
It depends on whose car it is, maybe?
Yeah, I can see that.
Hah! Yeah, you see that everywhere.
Too much soy.
That remains one of my favorite memes. “Pure soy”/“soyboy”/“soyjamk”/etc.
"Noodle-armed betas."
These descriptions make so much sense lol. My business partner who's polyamorous and always pushing me towards stardom while talking about how pretty I am is an Alpha, and my boyfriend who wants to buy a Craftsman house and have kids with me is that nice, stable Delta type who's just a solid dude that everyone likes. Not ambitious like my business partner, but society definitely needs both types!
We need all types. Except for gammas.
Most massive wisdom ever imparted:
"Men insult each other, and don't really mean it. Women compliment each other, and also don't really mean it."
You forgot the douchebag grouping when it comes to sorting men. That’s you bruh
The brain power may temporarily decrease, but if those guy decide to do something useful and put their minds to it, watch out.
Also, put the crudest, rudest, roughest guys in a group, and then add like an old lady or a middle-aged mother and see how the guys behavior immediately straightens out. I’ve seen it.
You could argue that any woman would work to change the behaviour.
Yeah but I crack up at some old lady wandering into a biker bar or something. I guarantee most of those dudes would treat her very kindly and escort her somewhere safe.
It’s so good.